Republicans Develop Way To Lie Faster

Republicans Develop Way To Lie Faster

In a joint business-government partnership, the Republicans have found a method to increase their rate of lies dramatically. It’s called the LieTron 2012 in honor of the 2012 Presidential election where Republicans hope to run it as their candidate.

“It’s a human-robot hybrid. It has an animatronic interface, similar to Michelle Bachman’s, but much more life-like.”

“In the past, we could only lie as fast as we could talk. We no longer have this limitation.” The super-computer inside is said to have 8 mega-lie capability, or 8 million lies-per-second, and topped the previous record held by Glenn Beck. Put into perspective, Republicans can exceed the lies of an 8 year George Bush administration in a single minute.

The spin-off benefits to businesses became clear immediately. Phil Donahue, head of the US Chamber of Commerce, said “Not just in the obvious places like FOX cable shows, but in Wall Street accounting, even the “development” of alternative energies by corporations.”

“Imagine what BP could have done with this enhanced lie technology during its oil spill.” This technology would have overwhelmed the truth about the Gulf spill within hours, leaving only a thin sheen of factual information on the surface, effectively preventing any truth from reaching shore. Any residual facts would have been easily suppressed through traditional methods by the corporate mainstream media outlets.

To showcase this new technology, the LieTron 2012 will be promoted similarly to how IBM revealed “Watson” the supercomputer that competed with human players on the Jeopardy! quiz show. In this case, however, Sean Hannity will be the learned host the show.

Karl Rove was an obvious choice for one of the “human” contestants, but there is still some question as to who the other challenger will be.

The short list includes politicians Senate and House Minority Leaders Mitch McConnell and John Boehner, as well as TV personalities Rush Limbaugh and Bill O’Reilly.

The program was not without its setbacks, however. A hunting party led by former V.P. Dick Cheney had to ‘put down’ a prototype of the LieTron 2012 by shooting it in the face with a shotgun. No charges were filed against Cheney because, like most Republican operatives, it wasn’t a real human.

A genetically engineered human-tea party hybrid was created from the DNA of Ayn Rand and Ron Paul. This project, known as the “Rand-Paul” experiment, was shut down because the result was mentally deficient. It kept thinking it was in 1954 in the pre-Civil Rights era. “He started out OK, but then would digress about how we should end war,” Dick Cheney growled. “Frankly, we found this very disturbing.”

Republicans plan to roll out the final version of the LieTron 2012 in time for the Republican Primary season so Americans can get a feel for it before they run it for President in 2012.